respect.

i just received an interesting text message.
i was expecting it to be a friend confirming the movies for tomorrow night, or That Boy with some random...whatever, so it goes with him.

but no.
it was from this guy i met in japan when i was there about 18 months ago.

i went there by myself, it was my first trip overseas. it was actually spontaneous, i had been feeling like i wanted to run away and this provided a good opportunity.

i met him at the airport bus stop, we were waiting to get a shuttle bus to the similar area.
we were on the same flight.
it was a bit of a thrill for me as we just struck up conversation, at the time this had never happened to me and had only spoken to guys when drunk in a dark nightclub, not blindingly sober after an 12 hour flight on a humid Tokyo night.

so we exchanged numbers and said we'd catch up one night.

and we did the next night.
he was there for business and we caught up after he was done with a business dinner.

we went out and drank.
it was stupid of me at the time, but it was so nice to talk to a guy and feel like you get along.
we bar hopped a bit, he bought the drinks, saying he'd write it off as a business expense.

we ended up at a Geisha karaoke bar drinking whiskey.
if i take away the hurt that was to come, it was actually fun.

he met me at my hotel and by this time we had made our way closer to his.
i was so wasted by then, i don't even remember.

but you know, i ended up in his room.
we started making out and i remember saying i didn't want to go any further...urgh, whatever.

one consolation is that he at least had the embarrassment of having to buy condoms in a foreign country. (i think i've briefly covered this...)

so yeah, we fucked.
i don't really remember it, i do remember him shoving his cock in my face.
anyway we fucked again in the morning, he again shoved his cock in my face, but i declined.

he said to let him know when i was done for the day.

i mean, i totally understand this was just a fuck thing, but i figured since we were both alone in a foreign country it was kinda nice having someone you at least vaguely know to perhaps kill  a few hours with and i knew the second he left, i'd never hear from him again and i was fine with that.

the next day i got done with a day tour, i went back to my hotel and texted him i was done. i was absolutely exhausted getting hardly any sleep the night before (obvz...) but i figured i'd be going out later so i fell asleep in my make up and woke up every few hours to check both my phone and make up.

i received a text later that night simply saying 'business dinners run late. sorry'
i didn't however, interpret this as him blowing me off.

saturday he was leaving, i was going to a Kabuki performance, i sent him one last text even stupidly including that if he was ever in .............. to give me a call.

he never wrote back.
and i deleted his number.

it really hurt my feelings, it was the first time i had been blatantly used and that everything that had occurred that night prior to us sleeping together meant nothing.
i thought i was making a breakthrough, it was just a major sleep back.

i sulked all saturday and wanted to go home.
its surprising what being screwed over in a foreign country (literally) can make you wish you were home more than anything.

anyway i left 2 days later.
it was educational to say the least.

so anyway, tonight.
i received a text message from him. i'm surprised he kept my number.
there was a basic intro.
and then the kicker- 'so you said to give you a call when i'm in ......... i'll be there in 2 weeks, does the offer still stand?'
i could have said yes and slept with him to settle my animal urges.
but no, he hurt me and treated me like shit.

so i sent back- 'considering how things went down in Japan, i don't think so.'
him- 'ok no worries' like it was all cool. urgh.
me - 'you can delete my number. i get i may have a one night stand but you could have treated me with some respect'

as in writing back and saying, sorry can't see you again, thanks for the fun night.
thats all he had to do, but apparently i wasn't even worth that, so his not worth sticking his (probably small...i can't remember) dick in me.

him- 'deleted'

the insecure, desperate part of me wanted to say yes.

but i know i did the right thing, i treated myself with respect.

woot.