i'm incredibly lonely and sad.
i don't think i can do this anymore.
nobody wants me around anyway.
i'll always be alone.
i don't know what to do anymore.
i just need someone to be kind to me.

i screwed it up.
and i'm the only one to blame, i had something so good and i 'm so fucked up and stupid that i screwed it up.
no one will ever love this fucked up misunderstood crazy bitch or will ever try.
i want someone to see that i'm different and worth it.
i hate myself so much.
i need love but i will never get it.

forever lost.

i don't even know what to do with myself anymore.
i just want it to stop.
i'm so lonely.
i feel ignored and like i don't matter to anyone.

everyone hates me, i hate me.

i feel like i don't have that feeling of 'home' anymore, even in my own bed where i would feel safest.
i want to run away.

fear and loathing.

when i date someone i am in a constant state of fear knowing that sooner or later they will get rid of me.
even though i try to hide all the ugly stuff about me.
everything i do and everything i am is never good enough.
and it makes me so sad.

stupid.

i hate myself for thinking that someone could love me.

fml.

i met a guy i really like. his adorable; 6''4, tattoo artist, tattoos (obvz) really talented, glasses.
and his so nice to me. so gentle and sincere and caring.
i'm fairly certain he likes me as much as i like him.
his moving to europe in november possibly for good but at least for 6 months.
of course this would happen to me.

anytime i liked anyone they either don't like me back or they leave.
i finally meet someone who likes me as much as i like them and his leaving anyway.

he told me a few hours ago, it made me sad but now its really upset me.
it was nice that he told me, it was like he was saying we'd make it to november.
which just makes it harder.

i'm trying to be rational about it and get some perspective and i think about all the nice things his said and already done but my mind just keeps going back to that message and my stomach knots up and my eyes water.

idk if i should tell him who i feel, i know its selfish for me to think that way as its exciting for him. but idk maybe i should let me him know how i feel, it will probs come out eventually.

now i can't sleep.

i fall for people too fast.

i don't matter to anyone.

no one loves or cares about me.
i don't matter to anyone.
its killing me.
i'm so sad.