well...nice how

so my last post was about my uncertainty with KS lookalike.
things actually seem to be going well...

we've been seeing each other for a few weeks and consistently at that.
its really nice, his really affectionate and omg, its the best.
he says his really picky but somehow, in sommmmme fucked up way, IIIIIII am his type!!

me.
someone's type.
so strange.

unfort his currently living with his parents like an hour away, which sucks but he says thats extra motivation for him to move closer and with me starting work tomorrow 4 days a week that cuts down on the opportunity.

but i'm seeing him on friday and he'll probs meet my mum, i had dinner with his parents last week and then we're spending NYE together down at his parents, which is 5 minutes away from the beach.

and i'm also invited to his sister's wedding in January, well he invited me, so i'm not sure if i'm actually invited, but still a big deal i think.

...the sex is pretty good also :]

so things are pretty good for me right now :]
while i had my moments, i was starting to deal with being single peacefully, but this is really nice, i'm still realistic though.

...always got to be prepared for the worst :]

wishful thinking

went on a date with KS lookalike the other day, it went really well, we had lots to talk about and he was affectionate, almost too affectionate that it made me feel a bit awkward but it was  still nice.

after dinner, coffee (gelati for me) and chats we adjourned to the backseat of his car and made out.
he told me i was beautiful.

i was home alone the next night and he came over.
inevitably thing ended up in bed, he went down on me and i gave him  a handjob.
he was pretty good at it, i didn't come, close but no...

so haven't heard from him much since.
funny that.

i'm trying not to give anything to negative but idk given past experiences i'm expecting him to disappear.
i don't want him to but best to be prepared.

sigh, eat, regret later

so i ate all the cookie dough.
i mostly now just feel sick.

still lonely.

its nice weather, i would want to do something with someone but i have no one.

my sister has been with her boyfriend for 3 years and she told me she is 98% sure she wants to be with him forever. she always has someone, she's had someone since she was 15/16 and had her first long term relationship she has pretty much gone from one relationship to another since then, she has never dated or been rejected.

i've always been alone.

i haven't heard from that guy, tbh i wouldn't want to; i'd just say something depressing to scare him so its probably for the best his obviously not thinking about me.

i'm going to go be depressed on the couch and wallow my life away.

alone, together.

feeling particularly lonely today.
That Guy hurt my feelings, i doubt his aware but i can't seem to shake it, now all i want to do is devour the cookie dough in the fridge.
i had been having a pretty good run and i haven't felt this way in awhile, stats were showing 80% only about 20% not...usually it was about 60/40... 60% not happy....40% happy.

i had plans tonight but as usual they went to shit.

i started talking to someone new on the dating website i'm on, first time in ages.
and his perfect.
older than me.
teacher (i always wanted to fuck the teacher when i was in school, a girl in my year actually did and i was super jealous but i was so fucking ugly when i was 14-15ish it never would have happened)
wears glasses.
like cats.
no all manly, but seems manly enough.
likes the same movies and music as me.

LOOKS LIKE KEVIN SMITH.
for realz, a total doppelganger, though not as large.
and he prefers curvy girls and likes redheads.

only fault i'm yet to come across is that he doesn't have much of a sweet tooth which is quite disappointing as i love to bake.

so yeah his really sweet.
i'm trying not to fuck it up.

we exchanged numbers and i was the first to message, i usually don't like doing that, don't want to across all desperate and too eager.
so after we said goodnight last night i decided i wouldn't be the one to message today so it will be interesting if he messages or not, if he doesn't, idk i can only assume i haven't crossed his mind...which would disappoint me.

but yeah not going to fuck this up.

like i said, i've actually felt happy lately and not so shit about myself (sans today) so i'm hoping finally i am reaping the rewards of that.
trying to keep negative thoughts at bay.

i hope i don't fuck it up.