i am an awful person.

i should feel nothing but ashamed of myself.

anytime i try to reach out to anyone i'm pushed away like what i did was wrong and shouldn't be done again, i believe it now.

just be ok with being alone, its better.
repeat it.
believe it.
live it.

alone (again...always)

just wishing i had someone to talk too and someone that gave a shit about me and what i wanted.
i don't want to let anyone in  anymore but at the same time , i want to be close to someone without actually going close to them...if that makes sense.

i want to get back to a place where i don't expect anything and being alone is all i know and there is no other option, but i know there is now but i will never have it.

i guess i just have to keep telling myself i'm a piece of shit and that no one will ever love me and i will die alone.

it will sink in eventually i hope.
there is no point expecting anything or hoping.