i'm lonely. what's new?

thats pretty much it...

i am an awful person.

i should feel nothing but ashamed of myself.

anytime i try to reach out to anyone i'm pushed away like what i did was wrong and shouldn't be done again, i believe it now.

just be ok with being alone, its better.
repeat it.
believe it.
live it.

alone (again...always)

just wishing i had someone to talk too and someone that gave a shit about me and what i wanted.
i don't want to let anyone in  anymore but at the same time , i want to be close to someone without actually going close to them...if that makes sense.

i want to get back to a place where i don't expect anything and being alone is all i know and there is no other option, but i know there is now but i will never have it.

i guess i just have to keep telling myself i'm a piece of shit and that no one will ever love me and i will die alone.

it will sink in eventually i hope.
there is no point expecting anything or hoping.

die.

i've always hated myself but not as much as i do now.
i'm a pathetic, fat, ugly stupid piece of shit.
no one will ever love me or see anything good in me worth keeping.
i will die alone.
and i will deserve it.

alone.

i'm alone and i'm sad.
i want to stop feeling this way.
i wish it would go away.
i wish someone could just love me how i am.
i wish i was given a chance.
i'm alone and i have no one.
i don't even know what to do anymore.
i wish someone would reach out to me and be there for me.
i just want to cry and cry and have someone be there and not judge me, just hold me.
but there isn't anyone.
i'm alone.
i can't handle being alone anymore.
i really opened myself up to someone and i started to really trust them and they decided they didn't want me anymore.
i have never felt so hurt.
i'm so stupid.
i'm so alone.
i don't know what to do.
i hate myself.

ghuirsghvoz;si

ks dumped me.
he never liked me that much.
i'm a fucking idiot.
i am so fucking stupid.
to think someone could like me? i'm an ugly piece of shit.
i deserve to be sad and alone forever.
pfft, thinking someone could like me.
i'm ugly and stupid and offer nothing good to the world.
just a waste of fat space.
god its embarrasing to think he liked the way i look.
i'm so stupid.
i hate myself.
i guess he treated me the way i deserve.
like shit.

fucking it up (probs)

i really like KS lookalike, probs going to fuck it up though.

his really patient and kind and honest and easy to talk too but even a guy as nice as that can only take so much shit from an emotionally retarded person.

i'm going to push him too far and he'll disappear.

i'm waiting for when he probably messages me and tells me he doesn't want to see me anymore.
been through a bit of shit in the last week, its good to be honest but its just put me more on edge that he'll disappear soon.
i really don't want him too.

i've been a bit of a bitch to him (and when i get cold, i'm fucking nasty frosty) i hate myself for doing it but i almost can't help it.

idk he'll bail eventually.

i guess its time to just saviour all the hugs and affection while its still there.